It's All About Perspective

I've been having one of those weeks. You know the week I'm talking about...the one where every day feels just a bit off. It seems that everyone is a bit more negative or touchy or critical. Drivers are more ridiculous. Customers are more exhausting. Minor annoyances seem monumental. Ring any bells? Let's just say I am more than happy to say good bye to this week and hello to the next.

I feel a little discombobulated this week. Perhaps it is my sugar and soda withdrawal kicking my butt. Perhaps I am emotionally sensitive this week. Perhaps I am overwhelmed by the expectations I place on myself. Whatever the reason, I do not quite feel at home in my present circumstances. That is not a feeling I welcome or enjoy even slightly.

As I was driving home from work tonight, I was mulling over the events of the week. Analyzing what I have said or done and what those around me have said or done and what that means for my future...over-analyzing would probably be a more accurate description. I drove home completely overwhelmed by my feelings of inadequacy and angst. I was hoping to walk into my home feeling exactly that...HOME, peace, calm, rest. However, I felt the exact opposite.

As I was ranting and raving, (ask my BFF about the ranting), I simply said, "God, I can't do this anymore. I can't be here. I need it to change." Right then the still, small Voice that had been speaking to me all day finally broke through my chaos.

Relax. Take a deep breath. Stop seeing things through your eyes and let Me show you what I see. I see promise and potential. I see victory and abundance. I see peace and possibility. I see lives changed because of who you are and where you are. Rest. Let Me do the work. Let Me bring the breakthrough. It's not up to you.

Inhale. Exhale. Rest. Tomorrow is a new day and my God promises new mercies and unfailing love.

And He Saw That It Was GOOD

Every detail of creation reflects the thumbprint of God. From the smallest insect to the largest whale, from the grain of sand to Mt. Everest, God was concerned with the details. He spent each of the days of creation thoughtfully crafting each feather and hanging each star just so. And He saw that it was good.

I imagine with every stroke of His artist's paintbrush, He saw more than just the creature at hand. I imagine He saw every dog that would ever bark, every bee that would ever sting, and every fish that would swim...in a bowl or the sea. I imagine He saw the entire rain forest as He painted the trees in place. I imagine He saw every mountain being conquered and every stream refreshing all who stepped in. And He saw that it was good.

I imagine His infinite mind saw every detail, both good and bad, of all time. I imagine He felt the sting of pain at His creation, broken or destroyed. I imagine He cringed in sorrow when the sparrow fell to the ground or the lone wolf lost its pack. But He saw that it was good.

And finally, I imagine He saw every face of every child as He gently sculpted the details of Adam's face. He saw every broken bone and scraped knee. He felt every broken heart and caught every tear. And He saw that it was good.

God does not see just what is in the viewfinder. He sees the entire landscape. He seez beyond the single stroke of the paintbrush to the entire masterpiece. Despite His view into all of eternity, the destructiion, the joy, the tears and pain, He saw that it was good. Very good.

New Year. New Blog.

I have the best of intentions, but you know how the saying goes. I will not go so far as to say that I am paving the road to hell; however, my best of intentions were simply not good enough this year. I intended to run more regularly. I intended to not drink soda or eat any fast food. I intended to read through the Bible. I intended to blog weekly. The list could go on.

That is what is so beautiful about a new year. Nature (or Pope Gregory) sees fit to turn the page on the year past and offer a blank slate for the year ahead. That, my friends, is a wonderful thing. As the first day of this new year comes to a close, I am reflecting on the past year and dreaming about the future. I am trying to imagine what could possibly happen...what breakthroughs are just around the corner, what dreams I have yet to dream, what impossibilities are destined to be realities.

I have decided that resolutions are ineffective and only manage to help me wallow in guilt. And who needs help wallowing in guilt? Instead, I have decided to allow myself to dream and imagine. A little every day. And not simply dreaming on accident. I will dream on purpose.

My intention is to write more regularly about my dreams and plans, but we know what happens with my intentions. Perhaps this year you will join me in the dream world. One can hope.

"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." ~ Walt Disney

"Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly." ~ Langston Hughes

Precious Life

I learned that a college friend went from here to eternity today. Twenty-eight years old. Full of life. Passionate. Lover of God. Lover of people. Adventurous. Vibrant. Joyful. Young. You expect to read news of an engagement or relationship, perhaps a new baby on the way. Death is not the news you expect to read.

Tragedy strikes when we least expect it. Tragedy is not something for which we plan or prepare. It seems trite to say that tragedy is simply part of life. Unfortunately, it is the truth. We live in a broken world, full of disease, accidents, strife, and war. We live day by day. We learn how to make tomorrow better than yesterday and trust that God has a plan.

While Praise was not one of my close friends, her love for life was evident from every word posted and picture shared. She was passionate about living fully and loving completely. She shared true joy with every person she met and truly left a legacy of love around the world.

The news of Praise's death made the fragility of life all too real. Today is the day to live life fully. Tomorrow is never a guarantee. My life is blessed. I am surrounded by amazing people. I am successful at my work. I am planted in a church family and am learning to use my gifts day after day. I am alive and breathing and that is a precious, precious gift.

Definitely. Maybe. Not sure. Perhaps?

Uncertainty...makes me feel, well, uncertain. I know, I know. I'm brilliant. I have my moments. In all seriousness, that is exactly how it makes me feel. The ground beneath me shifts, ever so slightly, and my hands search for something solid to grasp. It's like walking through my house in the pitch black. I know my house. I know what to expect. I know when to turn the corner or what furniture to avoid. My confidence disappears as soon as the lights go out. I find myself walking, no, shuffling with my arms sweeping from side to side to ward off offending furniture or the unseen wall. What should be familiar becomes foreign. It's not a feeling I enjoy.

Today I feel like I am taking a step into the unknown in a world that is all too familiar. I'm sure that makes no sense at all. My world, my job, my church...none of it is changing. Wait. It is all changing. Some of the changes are subtle. Some huge. But no matter how small the change, the accompanying angst and uncertainty are significant.

A few weeks ago, a friend that was returning to choir after a significant break said something brilliant. Change is difficult, but growth demands it. We always question change. We try to avoid it. We insist it is not necessary. In fact, we sometimes stay in painful or destructive circumstances because we fear what change will demand of us. Our choice to remain stagnant then begins to pull us step after step backwards. What was familiar now becomes hostile. What was comfortable morphs into the very thing that causes the most pain.

But growth demands it. The real question remains, Do I want to grow? Do I want to see dreams become reality? Do I want to visit places I've not yet been? Experience life to the fullest? Move from milk to solid food?

My growth demands change. It's uncomfortable. It's uncertain. It's painful at times. It most often makes no sense. My vision may be a tad blurry at the moment. However, the clarity that comes when the growing pains cease is worth it all.

My Quest to Speak Life

Every year, my church hosts a few different conferences. Each one unique. Each one impactful. Each one targeted for specific groups. Next weekend we will host our women's conference, "Speak Life." We've been trying to zero in on a few songs that will really speak to our women during worship. Songs that will speak life, that will connect with each woman.

We found a great song by Kari Jobe. If you haven't listened to her, please do. Her songs are real, authentic, and simple. I have been listening to her CD pretty much nonstop since I got it. On my drive home on Monday, I was listening and singing along. I was thinking about the women's conference and what exactly it means to speak life. I started thinking through my day at work. I was nice. I was kind. I interacted with people. But did I speak life?

It started to hit me that I am not intentional about my interactions with people. I make a connection with people at work because I want them to be loyal customers. However, do I ever intentionally speak life into the people around me? How is speaking life different from the everyday interactions? Is it? Should it be? Or should it be an automatic part of my everyday life?

Unfortunately, I think the negative words are much more automatic. I quickly berate the slow driver in front of me or think about how ridiculous an outfit is or wonder what so and so was thinking. The negative seems to slip off the tongue so effortlessly. James wrote about the power of the tongue.

A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything--or destroy it! It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell. This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can't tame a tongue--it's never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. James 3:5-8 The Message

He goes on to say that we praise God with our tongue and then turn around and curse our neighbor. The tongue is powerful and often times deadly.

Proverbs 18:21 says, "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." I love how The Message puts it: "Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit--you choose." We all have a choice every day. What will my words accomplish today?

Intentional. Purposeful. Kind. Empowering. Uplifting. Loving. Those are the words I want to speak. My goal: Speak life into the people around me, whoever they may be, and report daily on what God is doing. Wish me luck!

Silence...Is It Really Golden?

I discovered something this morning. I was relaxing at home, getting ready to watch one of my Bath and Body Works girls on Price Is Right, when the world went silent. More accurately, the TV did. And the fan. And the million other little noises that fill the silence. Suddenly I was left in silence and all I could think of was how to fill it.

My world is polluted with sound. Even if the TV is off and there is no music playing, the dog next door is yapping or the baby on the other side is crying. I work in a busy mall with constant talking and laughing and music. Noise is the soundtrack of my life.

At some point, the soundtrack started to drown out the dialogue...my inner dialogue. My conversations with God. My daydreams. My self-evaluations. Was it intentional? Am I running for the silence? Or is the silence just escaping my grip?

I would like to claim innocence. Life is just happening and the noise comes with it. I have no choice in the matter. Unfortunately, that would be a lie. I flood my life with sound when I should be hitting mute. I turn on the TV for background noise when I am cooking or eating or writing...the list goes on. I rarely drive in silence. Instead music is blasting to distract me from the traffic. There's always a fan going to provide the necessary white noise. I'm overwhelmed by the silence. My mind starts to wander and I once again revert to noise.

A friend's Facebook status last week caught my attention. "Be still and know that He is God. What has to change in your life for you to be still?" Apparently, I have to get sick. You would think I would learn the lesson already. Be still, Kristin. Forget the noise. Forget the distractions. Be still. Instead I get hit with a cold and literally end up in bed all day. Still I opt for a movie to fill the empty space.

Why do I run from the quiet? Why am I more at home in a room so loud you can't hear yourself think than I am in the calm of my room? It's in the stillness that truth is revealed. It's in the quiet moments, the moments free of distraction, that dreams are built. It's in the silence that I hear that still, small voice beckoning me closer. Drawing me deep into His arms. Whispering His words. Singing His lullaby.

The reality is that life is full of noise. I cannot escape the everyday sounds, the music of the world around me. You will not see me wearing earplugs to silence the world around me. I will however embrace the moments. I will allow myself the luxury of complete silence and be amazed at how much I can hear.