The Word that Won't Let Go

For nearly three weeks, one solitary word has been bouncing back and forth in the recesses of my mind. This word has been literally tormenting me. It's been in every dream. I've heard it while driving to and from work. I've pondered it while running around helping customers. I simply cannot escape this word. You ready?

CHOICE

Do not let the apparent simplicity of this word fool you. Its definition may seem obvious to you. You may think that I am crazy for being so effected by this word. You may question my intelligence. You may interpret my struggle as benign. If this is you, I challenge you. I challenge you to think about this word every day for at least five minutes a day. You may discover a deeper truth. Let me bring me you up to speed on my journey.

A few weeks ago, I was confronted by my excuses. I let myself off the hook and rationalize far too often. I offer reasons why I act a certain way, talk a certain way, eat a certain way, believe a certain way. Valid reasons? Perhaps. More often than not, excuse is a more accurate word.

I am by no means disregarding the pain or experience that has a formative impact on one's life. My life today and the choices I make are direct results of my past. My journey through life has brought me incredible experiences and taught me valuable lessons. However, a lifelong journey also means baggage. Some good. Some painful. And there are a few suitcases that need to be left open on the roof of the car so the contents can fly out on the freeway never to be seen again.

I am no more in control of what is done to me than I am in control of the economy. It sounds absurd, yet we consistently revisit the situation. We relive the conversations. We dissect every word. We wonder how we could have forced the other person to respond differently. Reality check: I cannot control my surroundings. I can control my response. I have a CHOICE.

As that word is bouncing like a pinball through my mind, I have a chance to hear Tim Storey preach at my church. Tim brought up Mary, the mother of Jesus. Mary was a teenager, just beginning her life. She had hopes and dreams. She had plans for her future. She was getting married! She'd found the man of her dreams and was probably already planning the names of her children. Mary had her entire life ahead of her. Yet Mary was confronted with a choice. She could live in the favor of God on her life and give birth to the Promise, or she could choose to live her plans and her dreams. Mary had a choice.

One of the amazing things about our God is that He allowed Mary the choice. He could have just said, "Hey, Mary, you're having my Son. Case closed." Instead she had a choice. I may be speculating here, but I truly believe that had Mary chosen to live her life as planned, there would have been no punishment. God would not have killed her in her sleep or sent plagues to torment her. It was her choice, her free will at work. Mary would have to live with her choice and the questions in her mind: "What if I had chosen to accept the blessing? Would my life have been different? What would have happened if I'd had the Son of God?" Perhaps the "what ifs" would be more painful than the process of the promise.

The reality of life is that every day I make choices. By saying yes to one thing, I am choosing to say no to another. I am making a choice. And when I make that choice, I have to deal with the repercussions. By making the choice, I am accepting responsibility. I am taking ownership. I am asserting my God-given right as a human being....CHOICE.

Every last one of us can pinpoint a few (or several) people in our lives that make choices on a daily basis but refuse to assume responsibility. They lack the courage to own their decision. They regret the choice they made. That regret turns into self-directed anger. When the pain of self-directed anger gets too strong, fingers are pointed and accusations are made. It's everyone's fault except my own.

Sometimes I want to scream, "It's not my fault you made a wrong choice. It's not my fault you did not weigh the cost. It's not my fault you just don't have what it takes." Just as my mouth begins to open and the words are on the tip of my tongue, a force other than my own will slams my mouth shut with a few simple memories, memories of choices made and blame placed.

And I make a CHOICE.