Goals, goals, and more goals...

Goals...I hate them. I hate thinking about them. I hate setting them. Why? Because I'm horrible at following through with them. I come up with grand plans and ambitious landmarks to achieve. I use descriptive words and capture the true emotion behind the "why" for the goal. I even share said goals with people. However, my journey with goals stops there. Therefore, I hate goals.

Goals to me are the reminder of failures...past and future. I know that sounds morose, but hear me out. I have a goal to lose weight and get healthy. The flipside of the positive result is that I failed at maintaining a healthy weight and allowed myself to get unhealthy. Failure. I have a goal to write more often. Flipside: I failed at writing regularly in the first place and therefore have to make a point of focusing on writing in the future. Failure. Why could I not simply be consistent with writing (songs, blogs, books) in the first place? Goal: Run at least three times per week. Translation: I was supposed to run a 5K and a half marathon this past year and did not follow through. Failure. The list could go on and on but I prefer to not depress myself.

Again, I know this post seems like I am deep in the throes of depression. However, I am not. I am simply realizing that my relationship with goal setting is unhealthy. My perspective needs some adjustment. I need some successes to celebrate. Therefore, my goal for this year is to live day by day. Today I will spend time in the word, eat healthy, balanced meals, avoid soda and sweets, enjoy activity of some sort, and write, even if it is just a small journal entry. Today I accomplished most of those things and tomorrow is a new day.

Courage to Intervene

Psalm 106:30 But Phinehas had the courage to intervene, and the plague was stopped.

I think this verse is pretty cut and dry. The psalmist was talking about the children of Israel wandering in the desert. They complained constantly. They longed for Egypt. They disobeyed. The list goes on and on. They did not believe the promise of God. God told them he would lead them into the promised land; however, their disbelief made them miss out on the promise.

The children of Israel actually began worshipping Baal while in the desert. They were the chosen people of the God of the universe. He had led them through the Red Sea on dry land, destroying all their pursuers. He had provided manna from heaven when there was no food available. He led them with a cloud by day and fire by night, yet they refused to believe him. They chose instead to worship an idol. At that point, they were afflicted with a plague. Plagues could literally destroy an entire nation. With the children of Israel living in tents in the middle of nowhere, their hygiene was not the greatest. They were living in close, cramped quarters. A plague would spread like wildfire. They were on their way to death for sure. However, Phinehas had the courage to intervene.

The story is in Exodus 25. The Israelites had abandoned their worship of God and were mingling with the pagans around them. They were indulging in sexual immorality and all kinds of darkness. The plague was already attacking, yet they continued in their sin. A man actually brought a Midianite woman, a prostitute basically, into his tent. He walked by Aaron and Moses and proceeded to have his way with her. The rebellion was pretty blatant. He was basically saying that consequences were insignificant and that pleasure was worth more than the 24000 people who had already died from the plague. Phinehas was Aaron’s grandson and a priest. He was angered at the audacity of this man and basically drove a spear through the man  and woman in the midst of their encounter.

That was Phinehas’ courage. He took a stand. He decided he was not going to allow someone to throw away the lives of his people for sex, for pleasure, for something that would not last. His courage stopped God’s wrath and the people lived.

How often do I have the courage to intervene? How often do I take a stand when no one else will? Am I fighting for those who cannot fight for themselves? Is my heart breaking for the brokenness around me? We have the power to stop the plague of sin and death and destruction and hopelessness. But do we have the courage?

To a Thousand Generations

Passage: Psalm 105

⁷He is the Lord our God. His justice is seen throughout the land. ⁸He always stand by his covenant – the commitment he made to a thousand generations. ¹⁹Until the time came to fulfill his dreams, the Lord tested Joseph’s character. ²⁰Then Pharaoh sent for him and set him free…

God is God. No ifs, ands, or buts. He is God. He is sovereign. He is just. He is faithful – when He makes a covenant, He doesn’t go back on His word. It is in His character to keep His promises. An incredible illustration of the very character of God is seen in His interaction & covenant with the children of Israel. The children of Israel tested God at every turn. They rebelled continually. They complained constantly. They doubted daily despite His miraculous provision day after day. Still God remained faithful. He sustained them. He protected them. He provided for their every need. He performed miracle after miracle to ensure their survival. He very easily could have just left them to waste away in the desert and it would have been justified. After all, they abandoned their relationship with Him and faith in Him at the first indication of a struggle. However, God’s very character declares “I AM.” Faithful. Just. Constant. Unchanging. Unfailing. Love. Provider. Banner. The list goes on.

One thing God is not, however, is at our beck and call. He is not simply around to make our lives easier. He is not bound by our time limits. He is not controlled by our need or want for certainty. His intervention in our lives is fueled by our faith. Some receive audible words from the Lord, outlining a specific promise or dream that God will bring about. Others rely on the promises already declared in the word of God. Still others rely on the still, small voice of the Spirit whispering God dreams into our hearts. When God declares those dreams over our lives, we can trust that He is faithful. He will bring it to pass. He will make a way. He will provide for our destiny. At times, realization of those God dreams seems nearly impossible.

I imagine that Joseph had times of doubt as he rotted away in prison. He dreamed big dreams, yet he was stuck in chains. I imagine that he cried out in desperation for God’s hand to move…to make his dreams come true. This passage said that the Lord was testing Joseph’s character until the time was right to fulfill his dreams. Joseph was given dreams but was never told how long it would take for them to come true or what might happen between now and then. He simply had to trust that God keeps His promises.

Right now, I’m sitting in a prison of sorts…followed God’s voice and the answer still hasn’t come. I’m facing moments of doubt. Did I really hear God’s voice? Am I absolutely crazy? Should I go back to BBW? Is retail my only option? The reality of the situation is that God has to test my character before the dreams come true. Before my territory is enlarged, He has to increase my capacity. And let me tell you, the stretching is a bit uncomfortable. However, “He always stands by his covenant – the commitment he made to a thousand generations.”

Flying High

Life is amazing. More accurately, God is amazing. It never fails to amaze me that God is actually concerned about my life. And by concerned, I do not mean watching from a distance. Bette Midler may have incredible vocal ability, but her theology is seriously lacking. My God is intricately involved in every single aspect of my life, whether I see His hand moving or not. My God is like a composer...playing out every note, every possible modulation, every dynamic change, every harmony until the combination of random marks on a page is truly a masterpiece. Something that will make the world stop and take notice. Something that will tug at the heartstrings of His audience. A masterpiece that lets the world know He is real.

These past few months have been filled with some pretty significant life changes. I took a giant leap of faith. I felt God telling me to jump and I trusted Him. I argued with Him at first. I told Him He was crazy and apparently had no idea the severity of the economic climate in California. I told Him I had a good job that paid the bills and that I could go to daily without dread. Still He said, "Jump, Kristin. Trust Me and jump." So I did. As soon as I took the step off the edge, He brought confirmation that I was in the right place, that I heard His voice, that I was right where He wanted me to be. My God knows me well and understands how quickly doubt can creep in and suck the life out of all faith growing in my heart. I turned my notice into my job and immediately felt overwhelming peace. Quiet assurance that my God provides, that my God sees, that my God cares, and that my God has it all figured out.

Pretty soon after I put in my notice, I reconnected with an incredible guy that has completely captured my heart. A relationship was completely unexpected...something I wanted but did not see coming in the near future. I am overwhelmed and completely amazed...in all good ways. I turned 30. I've been told that the 30s are the best years. So far, I completely agree. I'm currently unemployed. My job let me go before I planned on leaving. This past Friday was my last day. Some may wonder why I'm not completely freaking out and stressed beyond belief. Frankly, I wonder as well. I feel like I should be stressing more. I should be more scared about the future. I should be absolutely freaking out. So many changes in such little time...yet the peace remains.

It was no surprise to God that my time at BBW was cut short. It is no surprise to God that the job market is not ideal right now. It is no surprise to Him that job searching completely overwhelms me. Nothing surprises Him. That is why I can sit here with peace. My God provides. My God sees. My God cares. My God has it all figured out.

Music...the soul soother

There's something truly magical about music. Actually, let me rephrase that. There's something spiritual about music. Music reaches pieces of the soul that would otherwise remain untouched. It soothes spirits. It brings calm to chaos. It heals the broken heart. It celebrates the best of life and brings beauty to the worst in life. I simply cannot imagine a life without the beauty music brings.

I've been enjoying some good music lately courtesy of Adele and am feeling thankful that people share their talents with the world. Imagine if Beethoven decided the hard work was not worth what he would gain. Imagine if Duke Ellington or Louis Armstrong allowed the prejudices of their day to dictate their accomplishments. Imagine if the Beatles had decided Decca Records executives were right and abandoned music. There are countless others who decided it was worth it...the tears, struggles, hours of work and practice, the rejection...And because of them, millions have been inspired to contribute to the soundtrack of life.

I for one am forever grateful.

Jehovah-Jireh, My Provider

I'm facing a leap of faith...I believe God is asking me to do something that scares me. I don't feel prepared or ready for the change, but I believe God is asking me to just trust. Just trust. Sounds easy enough, right? Yeah. Not so much. I have never been a big planner. I have always wanted to be the person with the five-year plan; however, it's just never seemed to happen. I have always wished that I was the person that knew from the time she was two that she wanted to do something specific and follow a designated career path and be in that career till death. I spent years praying and seeking God for what I was supposed to do for the rest of my life. A specific answer has never ever come. There are things I'm great at, things I enjoy doing, even things I absolutely love. Still there has not been the one thing I simply must do...as a job that is.

I've learned that my life path might be different than I imagined. The dream career does not seem to hold the same appeal. Instead, I have come to realize that God is simply asking me to seek Him and follow hard after His heart. As I follow Him, He will create the road for me. There may be twists and turns along the way. I may have a rest stop that I stay at for one hour and some I stay at for a few years. But He's just asking me to follow and trust.

Just trusting is not necessarily the easiest thing for me. I get scared. I worry that I might take the leap and fall flat on my face. I have been there and done that and it is as painful as it looks. I have also taken the safe road. I have stayed when I knew leaving would be even better. Safe means a little more security and a bit less anxiety. Safe means being where everyone around me thinks a thirtysomething should be at this point in life. Safe means comfortable. But God is asking me to just trust.

In the just trusting, it is sometimes difficult to focus on the voice of God. The still, small voice gets swallowed up by the millions of others voicing their opinions or advice or words of caution. It gets difficult to remember what God said in the quiet moments. To hold onto the promise that He will provide. He has a plan. He knows what is just around the corner. We need gentle reminders.

A friend sent some of those reminders my way. I am literally surrounded by incredible people. Not just normal, good friends. I mean incredible people who speak life into me when I need it most. Who provide encouragement at just the right moment, the moment when you simply want to give in. Who pray for you when you have run out of your own words. Who speak God's promises over your life and equip you to do the same.

So here is me speaking God's promise of provision over my life.

Gen 22:14 And Abraham called the name of that place Jehovah-jireh: as it is said to this day, “In the mount of the Lord it shall be seen.”

For those of you who don't know Abraham's story, here's the abridged version. Abraham and his wife Sarah were promised children. They were not promised a single child. They were told that their descendants would be as numerous as the stars. That is a lot of children. They served God and were faithful, yet they had moved past the prime child-bearing age. Sarah took matters into her own hands and gave her servant to Abraham. However, this son, Ishmael, was not the child promised by God. Instead of bringing joy and contentment, the birth of this son brought strife and jealousy. After it seemed like their chance at a family was long past, Sarah gave birth to a son, Isaac. As you can imagine, Isaac was the apple of his father's eye. He was the long-awaited promise in flesh and blood. He was proof to Abraham that God did in fact come through.

Abraham was relishing the fulfillment of his dream. All was well in his world, until God made a request. He asked Abraham to take Isaac, his only son, his pride and joy, to the mountain to worship and sacrifice him as a burnt offering. Abraham had spent nearly his entire life waiting for Isaac. He had wept tears of longing. He had based his entire life upon the fulfillment of this promise. And now God was asking him to give it all up. Just like that. Sacrifice your son. Give him up. Lay down your promise and bury your dream.

Abraham's response was simple. Obedience. He gathered the rope and the wood for the altar. He chose the servants to bring along for the journey. Then he brought his son. They reached the mountain that God pointed out to them and Abraham took only Isaac up the mountain with him. He said, "The boy and I will travel farther. We will worship there, and then we will come right back." Perhaps he did not want the servants to try to talk him out of his obedience. He headed up that mountain with the intention of sacrificing his son. God, however, had other plans. His provision was released at the exact moment of greatest need.

Abraham was a man of faith. A commentary I was reading on this story said, "Faith had taught him not to argue, but to obey. He is sure that what God commands is good; that what he promises cannot be broken." Abraham believed God. He believed that God had promised generations through the promise of Isaac and that God would not break that promise. God would come through, some way, somehow.

That is exactly what God did for Abraham. God is a God who sees to it...He sees to it that His promises come true. Not just for Abraham, but for me. He is Jehovah-Jireh, MY Provider. He is the God who sees to ME. He sees to it that His dreams for me are fulfilled. He sees to it that my healing is provided for, my daily needs are supplied, and my future is secure.

Law of Love

I've been reading from the books of law in the Old Testament lately. Actually I've been highly entertained by the audio version from my amazing YouVersion app during my drives home from work. One of the actors that reads several chapters of Leviticus literally made me laugh out loud with his dramatic articulation. Now back to the point...If you haven't read from Leviticus lately, prepare yourself for some very specific rules and regulations. This is NOT a book to read while you are already sleepy. I can assure you, you may pass go and head directly to Dream Land. However boring or inapplicable the laws may be to us now, I am still amazed at how thoughtful our God is.

The Jews had been delivered from years of slavery and abuse. They were now a free people. They were now a force to be reckoned with...a huge group of people quickly growing into a powerful nation. However, God saw that their newfound freedom could easily evolve into a new form of slavery, slavery to foreign gods, to alien customs, to immorality. The list could go on. Therefore, the laws that God was communicating through Moses had a purpose. Their purpose was to protect the people of Israel and to give them the best possible life, full of growth and happiness and health. God is an amazing Father, always looking out for the best interest of His kids.

The laws and rules have changed a bit in our world. We have been set free from the regulations of the Law because of the sacrifice of a King. However, there are still rules to follow. Boundaries have been established. Lines have been drawn with clear instructions to stay on this side. The world may consider the Christian faith and immediately see only the "No" areas. We may get labeled as intolerant or old-fashioned or completely unrealistic. I admit, those thoughts have crossed my mind at times. I do not really enjoy being told "NO."
I try to make excuses or rationalize my way around the rules. I try to tell myself that the rule really doesn't apply to me or my situation. I am somehow different.

Lately, I have been feeling a bit differently. I have seen the results of what happens when we choose to walk outside God's boundary lines because we think the rules do not truly apply to us. The times where consequences do not follow are few and far between. Most often, I see tears and pain because of the fight to right what was wrong. I see families separated and torn apart. I see children hurt and abandoned. I see pain.

And I am reminded, my God is a good Father. He wants what is best for His kids, whether we realize we're His kids or not. He wants to protect us from the pain that will come from touching the hot stove or running into the street. He sees the results and simply wants better for us. He has come to bring us life and life abundant. If that means, I have to color inside the lines for a bit, so be it.